This is the beginning

Of my new life. I'm not sure where life is going to lead me from here but this is my way of letting things out and processing.
The best place to start is an explanation as to why I've created this blog so here it is. It's not pretty. But it's very real and it's my life now and I'm living it.
Thursday, when rocking my daughter Quinn to sleep I was browsing the internet on my Itouch and I frequent a website called GFF but the URL is fairly long. I knew I had been to the site 2 nights ago when I had put Quinn to bed so I had hoped by hitting the back button I could come across it instead of having to type it out. When I hit the back button the website that came up was ashleymadison.com. The banner on this page is "affairs guaranteed"
Now, I'm sure you can guess where my brain went. That bastard is cheating on me. I decided to call my sister and see what she thought of it. She agreed that I should confront him.
So, I did. And he claimed he created the account a long time ago and he was browsing a pornography site and saw an add for that website and wanted to see if it was still active. I believed him. It sounded plausible.
Until the next morning. I started investigating after he left for work. I managed to get into his secondary email account. I found emails from a woman who he solicited pictures for. I also created my own ashley madison accounts and there is no way the account could have been from that long ago because of the number sequencing.
He cheated. Not physically. But he had an online affair. He contacted this woman 3 different times. 2 of the times I was even home. Once I was sleeping and once I was in the shower.
Upon further investigation, I found 18 online profiles. All linked through this secondary email. They range from 2 years ago to now. The profiles became more and more specific for what he was looking for. They originally started as the wrong location and wrong information. As they evolved so did the personal details. They became more person specific and the last few profiles made had the correct location and correct details. Such as:
"married but looking for discreet fun"
"looking for someone who can bring some excitement to my life"
"looking for someone confident and sexy but tight lipped"
"I love spoiling my lover in ways she likes"
There's more but they are all along these lines. The location was correct and he had browsed profiles that were local. He "winked" at them (which is basically sending an online flirt).
I also found out that he spent money he had earned cutting his grandpa's grass to buy a premium subscription on ashleymadison.

I always thought that if I ever found out someone was cheating on me I would be gone in a second. The problem with that is I have a beautiful soon to be 9 month old daughter. It's such a complicated situation. I am so angry and hurt and just trying to go day by day at this point.
So this is my life now. I'm pretty sure the only reason I'm still alive and moving beyond my bed of depression is because of my beautiful daughter. She's my reason for living. She was before this but I feel so blessed to have her especially right now because she makes me smile and happy on a daily basis.