It has been a busy week

I have been so motivated this week it's insane. I have cleaned more this week than I have in the last month which is awesome because my house looks great.

I think it's my way of focusing on something else for awhile. This weekend he and I are going out of town to try to re-connect. I'm still very unsure about the whole thing but I will try. I have decided that if after this weekend if I don't feel like we can re-connect any better than we have I want to separate for awhile. Just to think things through. I don't want to get a divorce as of right now. I've decided that. But some space might be nice. So we will see how things go. I'm nervous and excited about this weekend. I haven't been away from Quinn since she was born except last December for one night when I had a kidney infection and could not even get out of bed let alone take care of a baby. Plus since she doesn't sleep through the night yet a whole night sleep is going to be amazing.
We talk all the time now. Which is awesome because we are slowly rebuilding our friendship. I still don't trust him worth a damn but it makes me feel like maybe things can work. But I'm really good at compartmentalizing and I don't know if at some point there will be a huge blowout and I decide I'm done. Still taking baby steps which is working just fine for me these days.
I want to be a family but only with someone I can love and trust completely. If I decide I can't trust him any longer than we can't be a family.